I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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