so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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