alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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