who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
