I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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