Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
