Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
