If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
