So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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