My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it's great music for shaving your balls
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
