I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
