Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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