My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
