I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
