Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
