You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
