someone owes me an orgasm
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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