I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
