She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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