next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
