your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Barsexuality is the new black.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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