I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
