I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
