Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
