My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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