this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
