Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think I just sharted jello shots
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
