Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
