I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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