Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
