Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
