You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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