I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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