So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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