Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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