whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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