so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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