Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
