he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
