Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
