there's paper in my vomit.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
