I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
