and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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