Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
