I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
