I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
