So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
