yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
