i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
