GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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