Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
