I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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